It goes without saying that there is a major issue in the egl community when it comes creeps and fetishists. And sadly it's an ongoing issue that no one really wants to bring up or try to deal with. There is such a focus on 'inclusivity' nowadays that we are too concerned with making sure we aren't hurting the 'feelings' of sexual predators, fetishists and other creeps. Men (and some women too) who are sexualizing and fetishizing a completely non-sexual and modest fashion are being coddled and favored over the legit safety and well being of those of us who truly enjoy this fashion as our wholesome hobby. The participants of the fashion are very clearly NOT consenting to be involved in someone's disgusting fetishes and sexual deviancy in any way, but yet we are constantly subjected to it.
Under the guise of 'inclusivity' apparent perverted men are just slapping the 'trans' label on themselves and inserting themselves into women's spaces with nefarious intentions. And if a regular fashion participant brings attention to it they are labelled a 'TERF or transphobe'.... But there are also women who are using the fashion to cater to these perverts and sexualizing themselves while wearing the fashion and advertising their pornographic websites, Only Fans and other sexual content. And if a regular fashion participant wants to distance themselves from this perversion they are said to be 'shaming sex workers'.
Where do you draw the line between 'inclusivity' and actual sexual perversion? Obviously, not all men who call themselves trans are AGP fetishists. However, that doesn't mean you blindly accept every man who identifies as a trans-'woman' as being without ill intent. There is some better judgement that can be made when a man calls himself trans. Look him over if you encounter him online. It's always very clear when a man is legit being trans and trying to live as a women. Or if he is just a fetishist creep, a cross-dresser who is getting off on himself wearing women's clothes. The photos, captions and tags are a dead giveaway.
Same goes for women who are sexualizing the fashion and giving the wholesome enthusiasts a bad name. They are usually posting lewd content to social media alongside their egl photos. They typically include pornographic links and tags related to sexual content. Many will try to 'infantilize' themselves in order to cater and engage in 'ageplay' and DDLG fetishes.
Indiscriminate inclusivity has shown to foster breeding grounds for gross pervasion in the least of cases and actual sexual predators in more severe case. Discriminatory practices are NOT a bad thing, especially when it comes to the safety and well being of an entire community and ourselves. Before letting people into online communities and irl communities look through their social media and find out what their intentions with the fashion are. Ask them questions. Get to know them and their values. Learn what kind of person they are before letting them into social circles. Unfortunately, this rarely happens. The vetting for online and irl communities is so minimal and we wonder why we are always surrounded by creeps.
And it's not to say that girls are actually wanting to be around these perverts... BECAUSE THEY AREN'T. Quietly and behind closed doors girls are always talking about their safety concerns and their comm mods who are too perturbed over perverts feeling left out. Go on any egl anon site and you will see an overwhelming amount of girls who are disgusted, sickened and distraught by this issue, but are too afraid to speak up about it.
The root of everyone's fear in dealing with this issue comes down a fear of being labelled a TERF, transphobe, kinkshamer etc. and being "cancelled" and banned from their communities, friend groups etc. Which I completely understand this fear, BUT if no one is willing to put their neck on the line to gatekeep the fashion, then these creeps and weirdos are going to continue to infiltrate our communities and put genuine fashion lovers at risk.
Not wanting to put yourself in a potentially harmful situation is NOT transphobic. Not wanting to be associated with sexual deviants and fetishists does NOT make someone a bad person. Being a 'kinkshamer' or 'sex work shamer' isn't even a real issue or damaging label... Sorry you prostitute yourself, but some people have morals and standards in regards to sexual conduct and aren't interested in sexuality on display. That stuff is gross.
A friend of mine, who speaks more eloquently on the subject wrote a great blog that covers a lot of the issues with some sound advice on how to deal with some of these things. The following is literally a copy/paste straight from her blog. I'm going to include the link where you can read the original blog. And I encourage you to just go there and read it. Plus her blog is way cuter that mine XD
https://cherrymarguerite.blogspot.com/2022/08/fetishists-in-lolita-community.html?m=1
This topic is a little difficult to write about without diving into the sexualization of lolita fashion but I am trying to keep it brief. I will assume if you're reading this you're aware of the phenomenon and are equally as disgusted by it as I am. Therefore, while this post is outside my usual content, it needs to be said out loud:
The lolita community has a fetishist problem and its members are encouraging it through either complacency or under the guise of inclusivity.
It is evident lolita social groups are not vetted and never have been, as even big name perverts like Rosie Bow/Danny Woods are allowed in. Since most communities also allow minors in them, you'd think moderators would do more to vet potential members and protect literal children, yet they do nothing. On Instagram alone I have found a myriad of disgusting accounts, including big name perverts, both following and being followed by other lolitas. Why are we encouraging their activity within the community by not ostracizing them? The less content they have to consume the better. By not blocking them, you are encouraging the fetishization of this fashion and those who wear it.
As above, this problem is also the fault of bystander community members, and I am guilty of it as well. While I don't expect anyone to scour every account interacting with your content, it doesn't hurt to just take a quick gander at usernames. Many perverts will have obvious descriptors in their handles or will use suspicious tags and language. Follow your intuition. Giving people the benefit of the doubt, not calling them out even when proof is presented, and not requiring community mods do more to protect members is precisely why this issue has become so prevalent.
In addition to Instagram, I have personally found predators, fetishists, sissies, AGPs, whatever you want to call them in both closed lolita FB groups and Discord servers. This has been an ongoing problem since the inception of the Western lolita community so why isn't it being addressed? Stop complaining about it to your friends and take a public stand; put your brand where your mouth is! Putting "kink dni" in your bio is not enough anymore! Act on it!!
In other words:
When are we going to start properly gatekeeping this f***ing community!?
Steps in the Right Direction
- Go through your following/followers (or at least search key words) and block sus accounts. Encourage others to do the same.
- Check who you're buying from and selling to. LM does not penalize you for canceling a sale/purchase before the transaction occurs.
- Stop posting/advertising sexual content alongside your lolita fashion content; just make a new account ffs. Otherwise normies who know nothing of the fashion will automatically associate it with a fetish.
- Stop giving people the benefit of the doubt. If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it's a duck. If someone doesn't make an effort to improve, consider why that is.
- Actually vet members for groups you mod. Encourage mods of groups you're a member of to do the same. Go through current member lists and weed out sus accounts.
- Scrutinize men. At its core lolita is a woman's fashion. Make sure the men wearing it aren't in it for sexual purposes before accepting them into the wider community (aka vet them-hard)
- Reach out to minors in your community and encourage them to speak up if they feel creeped out. Many of us were groomed at a young age. Do not let the cycle continue.